Dear Dad,

Congratulations on becoming the newest Centreville EMT.

Thanks for telling me nearly every monday how the lungs work on the way to the metro.

You're welcome for being such a talented actress and playing the best unconscious girl with a thready pulse and a ticklish predilection (a very rare but serious condition).

So anyone who dislocates their shoulder can be assured they are in good hands-and don't forget to ask for the nitrous oxide!